This post and mere words will never suffice the passion and boundless love I felt during the past few days. I went on a teachers’ retreat for a summer camp I’m working at, and it was an incredible blessing. Sometimes I feel that we’re too absorbed in the various matters of our lives and we decide to swiftly glance over the surface of others’. We forget the fact that our pains and sorrows may be minimal compare to those of others. Our brothers and sisters who’ve attempted suicide, indulged in cutting themselves, soaked themselves in emotions of depression and apathy, and experienced excruciating pain from the loss of a loved one. We tend to forget. We only fathom those feelings for a millisecond when we say “I’m sorry to hear that” but we never take it to heart. I’ve missed to look at people with the eyes of God.
To judge others is to mock the creation of our Holy Savior. And it doesn’t matter if you’re not a Christian, respect is still not a matter of taste. I asked Pastor Steve for words of encouragement and most importantly, prayer. Despite being baptized and spreading God’s word through missions, the past year has been the lowest I’ve been emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I decided not to attend church for feeling too uncomfortable around strangers and I read my bible in response to feeling guilty; I lost touch with God. I went to war with Love. And I truly wondered if I could ever understand how much He loves me. I gave up on humanity because I felt I was taking on the world by myself. I was counting how many things I needed to accomplish in life in order to prove myself; it’s the box of fame, wealth, prestige, and silver linings that I trapped myself in. And it was claustrophobic. I hate it, I really do. I hate living up to standards because who the heck made them anyways. Unfortunately, I constantly feel the need to “outdo” others in this race for success; I always feel that someone is waiting for me to fall (to fail). And luckily, I have. In fact, multiple times; I’ve missed my mark in a thousand ways and sometimes, I’m glad I did. Pastor Steve told us that the world already hates us, and therefore, there is nothing else you can do that will make them hate you more, so live your life free of judgment. We’re free.
“And the heartbeat of my life is to worship in Your light. Your glory is so beautiful.”